I’ve spent a lot of time procrastinating. Between university papers and exam studying as well as numerous months of job searching and countless days of avoiding cleaning various rooms, not to mention avoidance of packing, I’ve learned to procrastinate real well. You might say I put the “pro” in procrastination.
My favourite tool in the procrastination trade is the internet, you have no idea how much of my time has been sucked into the endless vortex of nothingness that is the internet. Facebook, Twitter, and various gossip blogs all play a part in my day. As well as receiving pointless emails or messages and reading and responding (or unsubscribing) to those emails. But sometimes it’s not quite enough, you know? Sometimes Twitter can go for quite some time without anyone tweeting. And there is only so much farming one can do in Farmville and decorating that can be done in Petville.
So I was thinking, what could I give my faithful blog readers this year? Was it not enough that I wrote a two part gift giving guide? What about the fact that I totally glazed over the whole holiday and forgot to wish them a Merry Christmas (sorry btw, isn’t it pathetic that I did so in the hills of Italy with shotty reception whereas at my parents home with their high-speed wireless I totally dropped the ball on that?)? Then I realized what this blog is for, what I’m sure most of those who spend a small part of their day reading my mindless thoughts do here anyways, it’s a procrastination zone. You could be at work earning your keep when you decided to surf my way to check out what I’ve been up to. Or you could be at home neglecting your children because you’re quite sure my blog has been updated. Whatever it is I thank you for it.
I thank everyone who chooses to procrastinate away their day with my blog which has no baring on anything important in the world and I’m fairly certain is no closer to finding a cure for cancer or creating world peace or stopping Chris Brown from being famous and/or selling another record than I was when I started this blog back in February. I also realize I don’t blog as often as I promised, and while I promise to try to make my postings more frequent in the New Year, I will begin working again in February, so my posting may lag again. I say that as the eternal realist that I am, not the pessimist that I may be mistaken for.
Without further ado and to finally get to my point, I bequeth upon you my Christmas gift. A list of websites that are absurdly entertaining without providing any real content, important information or street cred. Sure you may kill off brain cells surfing them, but honestly, if I frequent these sites and remain the brilliant and intelligent think tank that you all know and love, it can’t be that mind-numbing, right? These site have wasted many a hours that could have been better spent working on 20 page essays or studying for exams. Pages that were checked over and over in hopes of new content to avoid cleaning or packing as my moving day drew near.
Here they are, in no particular order, the websites that you will certainly come to know and love:
Ugliest Tattoos: a website dedicated to horrible tattoos, like Hello Kitty, as Jesus.
Lamebook: A website dedicated to the idiotic things people post on Facebook, including photo’s of women giving birth, break-ups on people’s walls and poor spelling and grammar.
Anti-duckface: We all know duckface, you probably just didn’t know that it had a name. Duckface was made popular by people like Miley Cyrus and millions of Ed Hardy wearing (mainly girls) idiots. It’s the look of pouty-lips that I suppose the offender thinks is sexy but ends up looking horrible. It’s usually accompanied by a fake tan and a hell of a lot of lip gloss. This site compiles the worst of the worst for all to see. I’m assuming their facebook/myspace “friends” send them in and for that I thank them. Example of duckface:
People of Walmart: I’m so sad that my Walmart just has extremely slow people who insist on parking their cart in the middle of aisles instead of the awesome people (found in USA, particularly the South) featured on this site.
Awkward Family Photos: Despite trying really hard, my family can never produce a photo good enough for this site.
It Made My Day: A fun little site that people submit the little things that make their day so much better (IMMD). For example: “I was commiserating with the pizza guy about how cold it is. “I’ve got spiderman pajamas on under this,” he replied, perfectly serious, “so I’m good.” IMMD”
F My Life: Based on the internet saying “FML” (f**k my life) this is the opposite of IMMD and is user generated stories of things that ruined their day. Obligatory example: “Today, was very chilly. My little sister felt sorry for my two goldfish swimming in the cold water. She decided to put them in hot water. They died. FML”
Random Creepy Guy: Another photo site that is a collection of photos that seem good, until you notice the creepy guy in the back staring at you and your friends as you make facebook memories in the club.
There, I Fixed It: Photos of the ways we half-ass fix things in our lives.
Quizipedia: The author took articles from Wikipedia and created a little quiz for you to answer in 60 seconds or less. Oddly entertaining.
The Traveler IQ Challenge: Test your knowledge of the world. Is it sad that most of the time when I’m testing my Canadian knowledge I fail on the British Columbia part of the test?
Free Rice: Ok, I may have stuck these last three in here to prove not all my time is wasted and I do generally like to visit some sites that increase my vast knowledge. While quizipedia tests random, useless info and the travel quiz helps your geography, Free Rice has various different subjects like English word definition, Math, Science, Italian, French and many others. The beauty of it is that for each question you answer correctly you earn 10 grains of rice that are then donated to the UN World Food Program. Procrastinating and doing good? This is possibly the best site to waste your time on.
So there it is kids, the greatest procrastination tools I could give you. Enjoy, just don’t go spending it all in one place. Pace yourself over the course of a project that needs to be procrastinated.
Once again, thank you for choosing me as one of your procrastination destinations. I wish you a very happy New Year and hope this list serves it’s purpose… especially when it comes to procrastinating those pesky New Years resolutions.