I’ve often said that I’m very independent. I am, I know this and I embrace it. It’s often a great quality to have but it can often be a crux.
Lately I’ve been wondering if I’m too independent.
It all started a few weeks ago, I went into my bathroom and saw a spider crawling on the ground. It should be noted, I hate spiders. But I was tired and just wanted to brush my teeth and go to bed, so without thinking I walked out of the bathroom, put on a shoe and stomped on the thing. All this was accomplished within a minute. In the past if I was even going to attempt to kill a spider it would take me something like half an hour and build up the courage to kill it. Killing large spiders was out of the question.
Amazingly, this killing of a small spider made me spiral into a lot of introspective thinking. Once I had killed this spider that I never would have in the past, you would think I would be impressed with how far I’ve come. Instead it made me sad. I’m evolving so much that it’s as if I’m no longer needing someone else to rely on to do the one thing I hate most. I don’t want this! I want to have a fear that in theory is stupid but means that I need someone to help me deal with it.
I had to kill a spider again yesterday and once again I did it without thought. Now granted, these spiders were small little things that moved slowly. If faced with the big or fast ones that enjoy creeping across carpets in the summer months I can’t guarantee that I’ll be able to kill them, let alone be in the same room as them.
And I’m completely OK with putting my pride aside and asking someone to kill it for me.