What I want

A few days ago I ran into this article on Thought Catalog called I Want a Tuesday Kind Of Love. The article describes a simple love, one that’s not written about in movies or romantic novels. Rather it’s about the everyday, mundane love that perhaps most of us single people overlook. We’re so accustomed to seeing rainbows and fireworks in movies, expecting that love is always about grand gestures and dramatic arguments, it’s almost as if looking for the mundane details is settling for something when we should want greater. A Tuesday kind of love is listening to the details of your loved one’s day, hearing about their lunch or horrible boss. It’s not dreaming your life away, but living it together.

I have to agree with the author. I’m surrounded by Tuesday kind of love in my friends and family’s relationships, romantic gestures consist of making coffee in the morning or a hug at the end of a long day. Flowers because it’s Thursday or a text just to say goodnight. It’s the little things that are maybe overlooked that I think a lot of us singles are looking for.

Recently I’ve been thinking more and more about what I’d like in a partner, as I recently turned thirty the list of attributes I used to seek in a guy has changed dramatically from what I wanted as a 20 year old or even at 26. It seems to me that a lot of us ladies want similar things, but I’m not necessarily seeing this in our male counterparts… or maybe I just need to find new male counterparts.

What Liz Lemon wants… good enough for me.

I’m not asking for much, but here’s a few things:

  • chivalry, a guy who will open doors and believes in old school manners, who waits for all the women to get off the elevator and gives you his coat when you’re cold. Picks up a phone and calls, there’s no need to resort to social media to ask someone out.
  • intelligence, I consider myself pretty smart and want an equal. I’m not saying you have to be educated, but I’d like to have a conversation about world events or things other than what happened in last nights game or what’s going on at the Jersey Shore.
  • a job. I know, I don’t have a job so this is kind of a double standard. But I’d like someone with a job, and if it’s not where he’d like his career to be, he’s driven to improve
  • a man. Not a boy, a man. Mindy Kaling wrote about this best.
  • someone who genuinely cares about what I have to say and thinks my goofball, nerdy self is awesome. I’m comfortable with who I am, I want someone comfortable with me that way. And who is sure of themselves.

I’m not asking a lot, but I feel this is a tall order (hell, I don’t even have height requirements like I may have in my 20’s, although I still hold someone taller than me is desirable). Lately the guys approaching me (and my single friends) seem so distant from this. It’s tough out there… I don’t think it’s asking much to not be propositioned for sex instead be asked out on a date, nor is it wrong to wish guys would pretend to be interested in anything other than your cup size.

I really wish I was kidding or exaggerating those last two.

Call me old fashioned, but somewhere along the lines men forgot how to be men. And I’m not going to deny that perhaps women forgot how to be women. But I’m sure hoping we can get back to it soon. I’m looking for a Tuesday kind of love and I know plenty of others out there looking too.

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