English really is my first language

English is my first and only (fluent) language. You wouldn’t know it if you listened to me speak sometimes. Here’s a few things I’ve eff’d up lately:

– I called my toes “feet fingers”

– I told someone I was going to punch them with my foot…. aka “kick”


I googled “foot punch” and this is what came up

– your ankle is apparently your “foot wrist”

– I ran for my ringing phone after painting my toenails and yelled “crap! I wrecked my toe makeup!” (apparently I have problems with feet related things)

– “build a cake” which I believe is the complicated way to “bake a cake”

– I’ve completely forgotten my left and right. This hasn’t happened while giving someone directions in a car (recently, at least)

– Couldn’t remember the word candle so I called it a “burny thing”

It may be important to know that while I’m not an ESL student (although my parents were… hmmm), I used to teach ESL. It’s probably good that I got out of the business.